Last night, I felt it. I had talked about it for years without experiencing directly.

The sinking feeling in my chest.

My head hanging down into the ground.

The embarrassment.

The disappointment.

The silence.

The anger.

What caused that experience for me?

An error.

Last night was opening night for my new slow pitch softball team — co-ed. I haven’t played on a team of any kind for about 10 years and I’ve never played on a softball team.

I played Over 30 baseball for 6 years and had a blast.

Because I was throwing so much batting practice for my college team and I could hit when I wanted to I was a dominant player.

Also, most of the other players were really bad. I ended my career on a 30 for 30 stolen base streak.

But after a long drought that featured several moves and a marriage and two kids, I was back on a field at 9:30pm last night.

After we scored 6 in the top half of the first, their lead off guy hit a smoking ground ball right at me at short.

I caught it cleanly, took a shuffle step to first and let it go. As soon as I let go I knew it was low. I watched in dismay as the ball short hopped the first baseman and skiddered away from him.
Damn. Short armed it.

Down went the head, and the emotional black ink flooded my chest.

Then I became aware of what I was doing and took the prescribed course of action toward getting back to center, to getting back to wanting the ball hit to me.

I did alright with it and look forward to practicing it more. Although I want to practice it without making the error.

I actually made two more errors on tougher plays later. But I also made some nice plays and got on base every time up.

Didn’t take the glove to the plate.

It was great and challenging to be facing the same challenges the players I coach face:

Keep positive energy going and stay focused despite being very disappointed with my error(s).

Then it was dealing with losing. We gave up a bleeder, two out hit that scored 2 to beat us 17-16.

I don’t like to lose.

But I love being back in the game, even in this watered down format. The emotions are the same.

If you play more often than every 10 years (or know someone who does) the Baseball Confidence Gym will help you master your emotions and play the game at the highest level possible.

Tom
Dr. Tom Hanson