Targets for Parents
What do I want for parents?
First a quick reminder.
Yesterday I said my target for players is to provide tools and coaching needed for them to best develop, express, and enjoy their talents.
So for parents my target is to enable them to create the emotional context (relationship) that frees their sons to develop, express, and enjoy their talent.
Way too often the well-intended actions of the parents become interference for their son’s performance. (Remember: Performance = Potential – Interference).
I’ve coached way too many players on how to deal with their parents’ behavior.
My not-so-hidden agenda with BaseballConfidence.com is for parents to develop, express, and enjoy their own talents.
You can’t give away what you don’t have.
“The sins of the fathers shall be visited upon their sons.”
I love Scott Peck’s book The Road Less Travelled. On page
21 he says:
“If a child sees his parents day in and day out behaving with self-discipline, restrain, dignity and a capacity to order their own lives, then the child will come to feel in the deepest fibers of his being that this is the way to live.
“If a child sees his parents day in and day out living with out self-restraint or self-discipline, then he will come in the deepest fibers of his being to believe that that is the way to live.”
Right now many of the most active participants in my Baseball Confidence Gym are parents.
They themselves are doing the homework. They themselves are developing the knowledge, skills, and abilities that best allow them to develop, express, and enjoy their talents.
As they do so they become better parents.
I can’t tell parents what they should do all the time in each situation. But I can coach them toward a better understanding of the thoughts and feelings of their son and how those interact with their own thoughts and feelings.
As a result they make better parenting choices. They are better able to create an emotional context or relationship between them and their son. Both sides win.
If you heard the teleseminar I did last week, you heard a dad tell a heartwarming story of how he learned to better connect with his son.
The son went on to considerable on-field success (perhaps in large part because the player’s relationship with his father was no longer “interfering” with the son’s performance). But the beauty was in the enhanced relationship.
When parents understand the mental part of baseball, they are much better able to create a relationship with their son whereby the son is freed to fully develop, express, and enjoy his talent.
(By the way, the mental part of baseball is the mental part of life.)
That’s my target for my work with baseball parents.
Tom
Dr. Tom Hanson
p.s. If you’d like to be better able to create a relationship with your son that frees him to fully develop, express and enjoy his talent, join us at http://BaseballConfidence.com/Join.html
Targets for Coaches
So far I’ve covered my “targets” for players and parents.
My target for players is to provide the tools and coaching needed for them to best develop, express, and enjoy their talents.
My target for parents is to enable them to create an emotional context or relationship with their son that frees the son to develop, express, and enjoy his talent.
My target with coaches is essentially the same as parents, even though they play a very different role than parents.
My target for coaches is to enable them to facilitate the (1)development, (2) expression and (3) enjoyment of their player’s talents.
Define facilitate: to make easier or less difficult; help forward (an action, a process, etc.) (online dictionary).
Coaches can’t play for the players, learn for the players or control the players. Players must do the learning and playing themselves.
So the coach’s role is to facilitate. Do your damnedest to make the development, expression and enjoyment of players’ talents as easy as possible. (Note: this does not mean it is actually easy for players, just easier.)
This is determined largely by the “emotional context” a coach sets for his team. What does the team feel like? What are the unwritten rules? Do players feel safe? Does information flow freely? Do players and coaches trust each other? Respect each other? How present are dignity? Pride?
Great coaches set great emotional contexts. Even though few would use that term.
A great emotional context makes the other three elements easier.
(1) Develop their players’ talents. For too long there has been an imbalance in coaches’ approach to the game. Strong on “outer” or visible elements such as strategy and technique. Weak on “inner” or non-visible elements such as confidence and focus.
When a coach makes a change in a player’s technique, say he lowers his hand position in his stance, it affects the player’s confidence, focus, and well-being. Often new technical instructions “interfere” with performance.
Coaches must keep this in mind and the good ones are constantly looking for ways to help player make “mechanical” adjustments without the player’s performance being “mechanical” (bad).
Developing talents also includes developing confidence, focus, composure and consistency. These are not often taught directly, but are vital to success.
(2) Free players to express those talents. Freedom is at the heart of baseball performance.
Freedom = Trust.
When players play freely they play at or near their best.
When players play tight, they play badly.
Using Gallwey’s model (Performance = Potential – Interference), a player playing freely has very little interference. Thus, his performance is very near his potential.
That’s what a coach wants.
Players cannot play “over their heads.” They can only play at or near their best. That’s all a coach can ask for and that’s what his goal should be.
Like parents, coaches are sometimes sources of interference. They get in the way as much or more as they help. Not intentionally, but that’s often the result.
My target is to provide the tools and coaching needed for coaches to free their players to play great; to play to play great rather then play to avoid playing badly.
(3) Help players enjoy the game. Players want to have fun.
Derek Jeter told me keeping it fun was key to his success and clutch performances.
What I find is that when players develop their mental game baseball becomes fun again.
The good news is rather than having to decide between having fun and winning, having fun creates a positive emotional context which makes success more likely.
In closing, the target I’m shooting at is for BaseballConfidence.com to empower coaches to better facilitate the development, expression, and enjoyment of their players.
Having been a college head coach for 7 years, a DI hitting coach for 3, and an American Legion assistant for 3 years, I can speak from some valuable experience.
Tom
Dr. Tom Hanson
p.s. This exercise of clarifying my targets has been very helpful to me. I hope you’ve gained some insight into where I’m heading. You’re welcome to just enjoy and benefit from my emails each week, but I invite you to come out of the stands and get onto the field.
This month in the Gym is all about setting clear targets and going after them. Read the details for this month’s program at:
http://www.BaseballConfidence.com/This_Month_in_the_Gym.html
When Coach is an Idiot
What do you do when the coach is an idiot?
I got lots of great responses to my emails over the weekend where I shared my targets.
But one stuck in my craw. Feel the emotion in this…
“The biggest obstacle that faces my son this all important junior year is his own coach. I can go on for several pages; suffice to say that he is the antithesis of everything you have written about and believe in. He is cruel, overwhelmingly negative, mentally abusive and seems to enjoy humiliating his players. I’m sure you receive input like this from parents, most of which probably have an underlying issue such as lack of playing time etc. This is NOT the case with my son. He led his team last year (and in fall-ball) in every category, and won the batting title.
He is a starter, bats in the two or three hole, and has picked up where he has left off last year (4-7, 2B in two games). I feel so bad for my son; he deserves so much better; someone to help him develop and enjoy the game.
“What makes it very frustrating for him is that despite his consistent performance over the last two years, he receives absolutely NO, NONE, NADA recognition or positive support; while a select few players of lesser ability/attitude/hustle/performance are favored and mollycoddled.”
[end quote]
Clearly this coach is an extreme case, but he’s not alone.
Other coaches are pretty far out there.
Amazing how that can happen. I could go on about how this shouldn’t happen, how wrong it is, how sad it is, etc.
But that wouldn’t help. It would only draw attention and energy away from the young man’s goal. Cutting to the chase, the kid has two viable choices.
1) Leave. Go play somewhere else. I don’t know the complexities of this, but let’s assume it is a tough option.
2) Use it as a springboard to greatness.
I like a Napoleon Hill’s line that “Inside every adversity is the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.”
OK, so where’s the benefit in having this guy for his coach?
Baseball is hard enough the way it is. It is so damn hard and we all fall short so much that it takes a lot to keep focused on our targets even with supportive coaches and parents.
This player is being called on to rise to a higher level.
In order to perform, learn and enjoy as much and well as possible he’ll have to develop his mental skills beyond the challenge he faces.
My answer to any “What should I do if…” question for pitchers and hitters is “Do your routine.”
Get into as confident a state as you can and focus your attention where it needs to be to give you your best chance to be successful.
Regardless of what else comes your way.
Research on Bobby Knight showed that his players learned to tune out the criticism and the tone and focus on the information he was giving them.
This young man needs to develop his ability to generate his own positive energy, direct his attention toward the most important things for his performance, and see how much fun he can have.
It is possible to rise about this challenge.
See the coach as Buddha. Buddha was a teacher. This coach is a teacher. He is demanding that the player take his game to a higher place.
That is the gift the coach is giving the player.
I wouldn’t recommend trying to “prove” himself to the coach. I wouldn’t try to spite the coach by showing him how great he can play.
All that diverts energy from the player’s goal. All that plays down to the coach’s level. The player must focus on playing great because he wants to.
He would be well served to clarify his values of the type of player he wants to be and focus on that.
Focus on your goal.
And very proactively he ought to create a supportive team around him. Like Team Tiger, a group of positive, supportive people who are committed to helping the player achieve his goal.
Do not let them join in any coach bashing. Acknowledge the challenges the coach poses, but energy spent bashing him is energy down the drain.
And as my mom always says, “Smile lots.”
Tom
Dr. Tom Hanson
p.s. The player’s goal becomes his North Star. It will guide him through and help navigate the stormy waters. But to hold strong in the face of such adversity it must be a strong goal. Set well. Set smart. Set with an understanding of how the brain works, how goals work, and how you can use your brain to reach your goal.
That’s what you learn in this month’s Baseball Confidence Gym.
Get it AND my best-selling Confidence Conditioning for Baseball for just $29. Get it now before supplies and the month run out. www.BaseballConfidence.com/Join.html
